Toxic Vapor

I inhaled you like my favorite greenery and exhaled my greatest disappointment.

I didn’t get high off your flavor like I thought I would

it tasted different this time around.

I can tell someone else’s lips were replacing mine,

that the smoke no longer lingered like the shape of me,

it was more like an unwanted dust cloud suffocating the space between 

You

and 

I.

 

~Stephanie Khano

 

                                                                 

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You Have Me Begging at Night When You’re Not Here…

For your finger,

the soft spot you stroke lightly

that would make any pussy-cat curl with envy.

For your lips,

the way you use them

fixing me up when I need a fix.

I wait only for you.

I shall get no sleep,

Have no prophetic dreams till tomorrow.

I shall stretch my arms above my head,

quiver with the thought of you sneaking in bed,

lay as frigid as can be and wait

For your return…

 

~Stephanie Khano

Devil With A Halo

It took me 7 baths and a shower, all in one night, to get your cheap cologne off my skin.

It was hard to break you as a habit,

you entered the same way you exited every night like clockwork.

Every minute became darker.

I was thankful for the night though

Thankful that I didn’t have to look into your eyes and see evil

Thankful that I didn’t have to see your hands in places I never visit

Thankful that you couldn’t see my tears every time you came in.

 

                                                                                                 ~Stephanie Khano

Disease to Please

I no longer wish to please others at the expense of my emotional well-being. I have mastered the art of giving for so long that I forgot how it feels to receive. I feel like a magician, concealing my real identity only to entertain those around me. It’s a lonely world sometimes when you constantly give and look around for anyone that will give back.

I long for a prescription that will cure me of this,

My need for constant giving,

Stroking anyone that wants to be stroked,

Giving to everyone without having anything to give,

It’s exhausting!

I want to know what it’s like to feel free, to get rid of this illness

To love and have someone love back

To enjoy life without discounts

half ass moments with half ass people

waiting for handouts

While I’m patiently waiting for someone to serve me!

 

~Stephanie Khano

 

 

 

Untitled

I’m a paradox. I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad.

I’m lazy, yet ambitious.

I say I don’t care, but I really do.

I crave attention, but reject it when it comes my way.

I’m a conflicted contradiction, if I can’t figure myself out there’s no way anyone else has.

 

~Unknown

One-Way Flight

There is a part of me that already feels your absence,

I feel it more when I experience long restless nights staring at an empty pillow laying beside me- then smelling your natural scent to keep me up throughout the day.

I hold on to the 30+ days I have left with you,

I AM scared!

Scared that there will be no return

Scared that you will find refuge in a strangers arms

Scared that you’ll forget my laughter, voice and lips

Scared that I’ll just be a memory and not a future event

Scared that you’ll sample coffee brown skin and be glad you got rid of cream

I’m scared because I know one thing will change when you leave

and that is

EVERY

thing.

 

~Stephanie Khano